I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
