at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
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