Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
