i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
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