Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
