HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
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