also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
