She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
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We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
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we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
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