he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
