I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
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