he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
this hospital has no fireball
Randomize
