The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
