I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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