I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
