He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I am midnight drunk by noon
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
