i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
