at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
