my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Randomize
