I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
