so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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