You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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