oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
