out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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