Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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