Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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