I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
