and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
