That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
