Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
You are the jesus of drinking
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
