Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
where does the pee come out of this thing
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize
