i just wanna soil my oats bro
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Randomize
