i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
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