I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
My feet surprised me
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
