I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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