How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
It was confusing and full of hummus
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Randomize
