he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Randomize