i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Randomize
