i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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