This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
