im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
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