She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Randomize
