it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
