also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
