I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
