Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
