I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
