I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
