it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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