oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
