The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
