i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I want a musical about memes.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize