i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
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