a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Your topless pictures make me question reality
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
