yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
