I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
everyone is single if you try hard enough
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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