Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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