she was so not down for the gang bang
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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