Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
