omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
