he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
