she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Randomize
