Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
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