Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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