you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Randomize
